(C) Love Based Relationships Can be printed and shown by any Christian group for presentation in a church or bible study.

Exercise 1 — The 10-Minute Daily Check-In

Scripture

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19

Purpose

Create a daily habit of listening to one another.

Exercise

Set aside 10 minutes without television or phones.

First 5 minutes: Spouse #1 talks while Spouse #2 listens.

Next 5 minutes: Switch roles.

The listener should not interrupt, criticize, correct, or immediately try to solve the problem.

Talk About It

What was the best part of your day?
What was the hardest part?
What are you worried about?
What are you looking forward to?
How can I support you?

Our Commitment

This week we will have our daily check-in at:

Exercise 2 — “What I Hear You Saying…”

Scripture

“To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” — Proverbs 18:13

Purpose

Learn to understand before responding.

Exercise

One spouse discusses something important.

Before responding, the listener says:

“What I hear you saying is…”

Summarize what you heard.

Then ask:

“Did I understand you correctly?”

Switch roles.

Reflection

Something I want my spouse to understand better about me:

Exercise 3 — Three Appreciations

Scripture

“Encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Purpose

Make appreciation part of everyday marriage.

Exercise

Tell your spouse three things you appreciate about them.

Be specific.

I appreciate you because:

Weekly Challenge

Give your spouse at least one sincere compliment every day for seven days.

Exercise 4 — Speak About Feelings, Not Fault

Scripture

“A gentle answer turns away wrath.” — Proverbs 15:1

Purpose

Learn to express hurt without attacking each other.

Instead of:

“You never listen to me.”

Try:

“I feel unimportant when I’m talking and don’t feel heard.”

Practice

Rewrite these statements:

“You don’t care about me.”

I feel ___________________________

when ____________________________

and I need ______________________.

“You never help.”

I feel ___________________________

when ____________________________

and I need ______________________.

Discussion

What words make you defensive?

What helps you feel safe during difficult conversations?

Exercise 5 — The Weekly Marriage Meeting

Scripture

“Two are better than one.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9

Purpose

Prevent small problems from becoming large problems.

Weekly Meeting

Discuss:

What went well this week?
Is anything bothering us?
What does our schedule look like?
How are we doing financially?
Are household responsibilities fair?
Do we need more time together?
How can we help each other?
What should we pray about?

Something Fun

One thing we will do together this week:

Exercise 6 — Listen Without Interrupting

Scripture

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint.” — Proverbs 17:27

Exercise

Set a timer for three minutes.

One spouse talks.

The other spouse may not interrupt.

When time is up, the listener summarizes what was said.

Then switch.

Reflection

I feel most listened to when my spouse:

I sometimes stop listening when:

Exercise 7 — Discover What Makes You Feel Loved

Scripture

“Do everything in love.” — 1 Corinthians 16:14

Exercise

Each spouse completes:

I feel loved when you:

Compare your answers.

This Week

One thing I will intentionally do for my spouse:

Exercise 8 — The Stress Question

Scripture

“Carry each other’s burdens.” — Galatians 6:2

Ask your spouse:

“What’s causing you the most stress right now?”

Then ask:

“Do you want me to listen, help you find a solution, or both?”

My Spouse Needs

One Way I Can Help

Exercise 9 — Share Your Dreams

Scripture

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” — Proverbs 16:3

Exercise

Discuss your dreams for:

One year from now

Five years from now

Ten years from now

Talk about faith, family, children, careers, home, travel, finances, ministry, retirement, and personal goals.

Our Shared Dream

Exercise 10 — Talk About Money

Scripture

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” — Matthew 6:21

Discuss

How do you feel about:

Saving?
Spending?
Debt?
Credit cards?
Giving?
Major purchases?
Helping relatives?
Emergency savings?
Retirement?

Our Financial Priorities

Money Rule We Both Agree On

Exercise 11 — Create a Conflict Time-Out

Scripture

“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” — Ephesians 4:26

Purpose

Stop an argument before anger takes control.

Either spouse may say:

“I love you, but I need a short break. Let’s come back and talk about this at ______.”

A time-out should not become a way of avoiding the issue.

Our Agreement

When an argument becomes too heated, we will:

We will return to the conversation within:

Exercise 12 — Remember: We’re on the Same Team

Scripture

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” — Mark 10:9

During a disagreement, say:

“You are not my enemy. We are on the same team. The problem is the problem.”

Identify a Problem

Our problem:

What I need:

What my spouse needs:

Our Solution

Exercise 13 — Question Night

Scripture

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” — Proverbs 20:5

Choose three questions:

When did you feel closest to me this week?
When did you feel distant from me?
What made you happy?
What are you afraid of?
What do you wish I understood better?
What are you excited about?
What can I do to encourage you?
What would make our marriage stronger?

Something New I Learned About My Spouse

Exercise 14 — Compare Your Expectations

Scripture

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22

Discuss Your Expectations About

Household responsibilities:

Children:

Money:

Work:

Sex and affection:

Holidays:

Extended family:

Friends:

Church and faith:

An Expectation We Need to Discuss Further

Exercise 15 — Learn to Apologize

Scripture

“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13

Four-Part Apology

Practice saying:

“I was wrong when I…”

“I understand that it made you feel…”

“I’m sorry.”

“What can I do differently?”

Reflection

Something I need to apologize for:

Something I can change:

Exercise 16 — Remember Why You Fell in Love

Scripture

“Many waters cannot quench love.” — Song of Songs 8:7

Share Your Memories

Where did you meet?

What first attracted you to your spouse?

When did you realize you were falling in love?

What is your favorite dating memory?

What is your favorite wedding memory?

Tell Your Spouse

“One reason I would choose you again is…”

Exercise 17 — Technology-Free Hour

Scripture

“Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10

Challenge

Spend one uninterrupted hour together.

No:

Phones
Social media
Television
Computers
Work

Instead, take a walk, eat together, pray, play a game, sit outside, or simply talk.

Afterward

What did we enjoy?

What should we do again?

Exercise 18 — “How Can I Love You Better?”

Scripture

“Love is patient, love is kind.” — 1 Corinthians 13:4

Once each week ask:

“How can I love you better this week?”

The answer should be specific and reasonable.

This Week My Spouse Needs

What I Will Do

How It Went

Exercise 19 — Pray Together

Scripture

“Where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” — Matthew 18:20

Couple Prayer Exercise

Each spouse shares:

Something I’m thankful for:

Something I’m worried about:

Something I need God’s help with:

Something I want us to pray about for our marriage:

Then pray for one another.

Our Marriage Prayer

Lord, help our marriage to:

Amen.

Exercise 20 — Build a Culture of Encouragement

Scripture

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11

The Challenge

Negative words can quickly dominate a relationship.

For the next seven days, intentionally increase:

Appreciation
Encouragement
Affection
Kindness
Laughter
Gratitude

Every Day Ask

“Did my words build up my spouse today?”

Three Things I Admire About My Spouse

Our Marriage Covenant

We recognize that neither of us will be a perfect husband or wife.

We choose to grow together.

We will seek to:

Listen before judging.
Speak truth with love.
Treat each other with respect.
Be honest and trustworthy.
Forgive each other.
Encourage each other.
Protect our marriage.
Pray for each other.
Seek God’s direction together.
Choose love even when marriage is difficult.

We will remember that marriage is not simply about me or you.

It is about us walking with God together.

Husband

Signature: __________________________

Date: ______________________________

Wife

Signature: __________________________

Date: ______________________________

A Prayer for Our Marriage

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for bringing us together.

Teach us to listen when the other needs to be heard, to speak with kindness when conversations are difficult, and to forgive when one of us falls short.

Help us become trustworthy companions, faithful friends, and loving partners.

When we disagree, remind us that we are on the same team.

When we struggle, give us patience.

When we are hurt, help us forgive.

When we experience joy, teach us to be thankful.

Strengthen the love between us and help our marriage reflect Your love.

Guide our decisions, our home, our finances, our family, our future, and our relationship with You.

May we continue growing closer to You and closer to each other throughout our lives.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Better Together

Listen with patience.
Speak with kindness.
Forgive with grace.
Love with commitment.
Walk with God together.